Moon Exploration 101
by Narkhama
Summary: Based off a rather strange Star Wars Roleplaying Game campaign my siblings and I made up, Moon Exploration 101 follows the adventures of four extremely unlikely heroes as they attempt to survive a moon that seems to just want them dead. This story is not meant to be taken seriously in any way.


**Oh boy, where do I start with this... This is a story based on an adventure my siblings and I had in the Star Wars roleplaying game (second edition), and it turned out going wrong in every way imaginable. The plot was simple, the characters had been sent to a remote mining colony on Kulsari VI to assist with the safe transport of a new kind of metal, one that was stronger than durasteel and was four times lighter, perfect for building starships. The only downsides were the moon's thick jungles and hostile animals, along with the slight problem that this metal was highly reactive with the alkaline earth metals commonly found within the soil of the moon. As I mentioned before, anything that could go wrong went wrong and what was supposed to be a one-shot adventure between campaigns turned into a campaign of it's own, eventually turning into a survival adventure**

 **This is the cast of characters, my brother Daniel was the gm so his character, Moli, was not included;**

 **Destroyer the Mandalorian; Destroyer was a bounty hunter with a pretty generic backstory and a shitty name. He was played by my brother Gavin. His main character traits included shooting anyone he didn't like and being cruel to small animals. This turned out to really not be his adventure as he nearly dies more times than any other character. His backstory was that he was a bounty hunter, and that's it.**

 **Queen Crunch the Third; Crunch, or "Queen Crunch" as she preferred to be called, was my sister Amy's character. She was a Wookie, and while she wasn't actually royalty, she demanded to be called "Queen Crunch" and anyone who refused would get their arms ripped off. Her main character traits were that she was stuck up, snooty, and prideful and would attack anyone who offended her. Unfortunately the only character on my team who could understand her was Snoll, who I'll talk about later, and this ended up hindering everyone as most of us had just chosen to specialize in other skills and not in language. Her backstory was unknown because Amy was too lazy to make one up.**

 **Snoll; Snoll was, well, Snoll. There is literally no other way to describe him, I mean sure, you could classify him because he was a human, or that he was run by my brother Adrien, but in reality Snoll was just Snoll. You see, Snoll had the most interesting backstory of the bunch and was the only force user, so you would suppose that he was the hero of the group. You would suppose wrong. Snoll had been brutally scarred by space pirates as a child and had been left for dead, he had been picked up by monks from the Tynako system (the fictional system around which most of our adventures revolved) and had been trained in the ways of the force to be the ultimate peacekeeper. He had dedicated his entire life to the roll when he found his true calling; the culinary arts. That's right, his backstory made him the galaxy's deadliest chef.**

 **Crypt; Crypt was my character and probably the most boring of the bunch. He was an unclassified near-human from a primitive world and had hopped the first spaceship he could find in exchange for work, his ultimate goal to explore as much of the galaxy as he could. He often used a black powder pistol and sword, though over the course of the adventure he acquired a blaster. He was naturally curious and inquisitive and was the only one who would stop for a second to try to figure things out, even if it meant putting himself at risk. Before he left his home planet he raced walkers for fun, a skill that would later come in handy a lot more times than I ever would have imagined, and despite being the most out of touch with the galaxy, he was also the smartest of the bunch.**

 **Let's get on with the story and if anything improbable happens, blame the dice rolls, not me and prepare for fart jokes and stupid moments at the worst possible times.**

A small transport shuttle settled down in a large clearing of short grass, a small oasis of security in an otherwise unforgiving jungle. Beyond the tree line strange creatures watched the craft arrive with interest, the thick jungle branches protecting them from sight in the branches of the tall trees. The jungle world was eerily quiet, no sound was made except the shuttle slowing down in descent until it finally landed in the soft earth.

The door hissed as it opened, revealing four figures of different backgrounds and personalities. They had all been brought for a different reason, the Mandalorian for the riches, the Wookie as punishment, the human as an escape, and the unknown human-like being for adventure. They all stood in silence, unsure of what to do as the sounds of the jungle slowly returned to their normal chatter and life. The Wookie grunted and stepped out first, growling something unintelligible, the others followed suit in silence. They had long since gotten to know each other on the trip there and were already sick of each other's company, even the usually cheerful Crypt had given up on lightening the mood and instead focused on sharpening his sword.

A small dirt path lay in front of them and in the distance a large armored repulsorlift slowly hovered forward to meet them. When it finally arrived a small group of soldiers and a female Twi'lek with a captain's insignia of the Rebel Alliance hopped off to meet them.

"Captain Etoskijo Nightwielder, Rebel Alliance" the Twi'lek said, introducing herself, "I trust that you are the professionals sent to help with the security of this mission?"

The group looked at each other nervously, nobody had told them that they were supposed to be professionals. Snoll opened his mouth and then closed it, debating whether to say something or not.

Crypt knew he had to make up something to save their butts so he quickly lied, "Yes, we're the professionals. I'm Crypt, I'm the guide, my native planet consists of jungles and climate such as this moon's. These are Crunch and Destroyer, they're extra muscle, and that's Snoll. He's a cook that just so happens to be tagging along"

For some reason this excuse works and the others nod their heads in agreement. "Good" the captain says and leads the group onto the transport and they ride off towards the base. Something catches Destroyer's eye as they speed away, it's a small slab of stone with ancient carvings on it depicting a huge monster crushing a civilization, but they are gone too fast for anyone else to notice it. Destroyer, being Destroyer, completely disregards this information and instead admires the vibrant colors of the jungle and all the delicious looking bird creatures there are in it.

When they arrive at the complex they see that it has been built on an area of cleared hillside with a ten foot perimeter fence surrounding the exterior. The inside of the fence reveals a large vehicle parking shed and a main building with two smaller buildings, all clearly meant to be temporary installations before long-term structures can be set up. In the distance a massive volcano fills the background, casting it's long shadow across the land over the camp in the late afternoon sun. The group is led into the main building where they are confronted by a small group of scientists and guards who welcomed them to the base.

A tall, white-haired human stepped forward, "I am Commander Flek Nerrada of the Rebel Alliance, head of security in the Alpha complex. You must be the specialists we ordered"

 _"Yes we are!"_ Crunch shouted enthusiastically, though barely anyone could understand her.

Destroyer pushed her aside "Where's the bathroom? I've been holdin' it for hours"

Everyone looked at him and he farted loudly, a horrible stench filling the room. "I'm not entirely sure how to respond to that..." Commander Nerrada said nervously, "Captain, can you escort this man to the bathroom?"

The Twi'lek gave the commander a strange look and led the Mandalorian away somewhere off to the left. As Destroyer passed Crunch he winked and the Wookie began snickering. Crypt facepalmed and there was awkward silence for about thirty seconds as everyone waited for someone else to say something.

"So, uh, are we going to get a tour?" Snoll asked nervously and awkwardly stared at the ground.

Before anyone could speak several gunshots could be heard in the distance and Destroyer ran back up to the group, out of breath. He was panting heavily and held his blaster pistol in his hand. "Nobody told me there were spiders in the toilets"

 **Yep. That's where I'm ending it. I'll upload again soon, this chapter was to mainly introduce the characters and how crazy (and full of fart jokes) my siblings are. Many a dramatic moment is ruined by these guys, but I'm pretty sure that that was intentional. So feel free to review and tell me how I'm doing and what category you'd like more of (the adventure stuff or the comedy stuff).**


End file.
